Life is a roller coaster, full of up’s and down’s, but the one thing that has always remained constant: wine. Love is great, friends and family are awesome, but a bottle of wine is the one thing that will never break your heart, let you down or annoy the sh*t out of you.
I don’t know about you, but wine keeps me sane, at an unvarying happy medium. Whenever i’m feeling stressed out, all I need to do is pop the cork and grab a glass: Instant relief, complete and utter satisfaction. It takes me to a place of peace, where nothing else matters, but keeping the juice flowing and the glass full.
Wine is my go-to on any (every) occasion. If you’re anything like me, you don’t discriminate: red, white, blush, whatever works. When I drink wine, everything about me gets better; At least I like to think so. There’s something to be said about how much better wine tastes when you feel like your life is falling apart. No matter how minuscule or serious the problem, wine continually saves the day. Bonus: Wine is much cheaper than therapy!
It’s been said that drinking wine may significantly enhance problem solving skills. A study, published in the journal Consciousness and Cognition, suggests that a certain amount of alcohol – enough to make you blow a 0.075 on a breathalyzer, could poke your mind just enough out of focus to be able to explore offbeat solutions to a problem. Whether this poke is helpful or harmful depends on the problem at hand. So, the next time you’re feelin’ the feels, have yourself a tall glass of wine and over-think it.
How much wine could a wine drinker wine, if a wine drinker couldn’t drink wine?
Here are 23 ways to know you’re an all-star wino:
1. You suffer from novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine. The fear is real.
2. Your excuse to drink wine is, “to do crafty things with the corks.” You’re not fooling anyone.
3. You’ve dabbled with playing wine pong, once or twice. It’s what all of the classy and sophisticated people are doing.
4. They say glass, you say bottle: Potato, potahto.
5. People often gift you bottles of wine for your birthday… and Christmas… and Easter. It’s basically the norm.
6. Your family thinks you got separated from them at the town festival, but you really just wandered off to the wine tasting tent and got “lost.”
7. You justify your daily dose by saying, “A bottle a day keeps the doctors away.”
8. You think screw on lids are the greatest invention ever; As they are.
9. Someone asks what your wine preference is and you respond with, “All of the above.”
10. It is your ultimate, dying goal to convert non-wine drinkers. No one likes to wine alone.
11. Your relationship with wine is exactly that: A relationship.
12. Wine gets the first invite to your pity parties. Whine and wine, right?
13. You think the opposite color of white is red. Isn’t it though?
14. You have a shelf, table, or whole room dedicated to your wine; Because whats a house without a cellar?
15. Your glass is always half empty, never half full.
16. There’s no such thing as “one glass.” What’s a wine stopper?
17. You’re constantly defending your drinking habits, by listing all of the health benefits that come with drinking wine.
18. Your favorite isle is the wine isle: duh.
19. Cheese and wine are your two main food groups.
20. A meal without wine is simply breakfast.
21. You’ve broken quite a few wine glasses in your time; Spilt wine is a wasteful tragedy.
22. You save up your carbs throughout the day for wine; Your Priorities are straight.
23. You’re drinking wine, right now.
Honestly, if you can’t relate to any of these, we probably can’t be friends.